One thing can bring happiness back into my heart:
When the WORLD can conquer terrorism and peace will prevail again.
Then Waleed's death will not be in vain.
(09/15/01)
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~ Many a Night ... ~
Many a night I wake up and sit in front of the computer.
I visit your web site and start looking at your photos.
Pride fills my heart.
I remember how proud I felt each time someone talked to me about you.
How adventurous you are and how intelligent.
How much you loved to travel and how much you loved Life.
You showed it in your love for food and drink,
in your love to dress and buy nice and expensive things.
You showed it in your love for your friends and colleagues.
You showed it in your flying thousands of miles just to attend a wedding of a friend,
whether the wedding is in Turkey or England; Hawaii or Las Vegas. You have to be there.
Most of the times you were the best man or in the Groom’s party.
My heart feels big.
You have left me a legacy.
Your memory will always be sweet in my heart and in my thoughts.
I love you.....
(09/27/01)
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~ Why? ... ~
Why “Waleed” and not me?
This question I asked God a thousand times a day .....
Then, I stopped asking.
I found out that there is no answer to this question !!!
God has his own ways.
(10/11/01)
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~ Pain … ~
When I think of you, I have a painful feeling.
Pain starts forming deep down in my throat,
As if I am chalking.
It ascends slowly to my head.
I feel like my skull is going to explode.
Tears start forming in my eyes.
Then, they fall like a stream down my cheeks.
Oh God!!
How much it aches.
(11/22/2001)
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~ Waleed's Garden ... ~
Today, we finished your garden.
George and Eileen had ordered two plaques from Ford City, Pennsylvania,
one for their garden and the other for your garden.
I installed the flood light that projects on your name during the night.
We turned the light on and we read
"Waleed's Garden".
Carisa asked "why did you give Waleed your garden?"
I answered her: "So that we will remember Waleed every time we step out to the garden."
Waleed will stay with us.
Waleed will never leave us.
He is always with us.
(11/27/01)
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~ Your Coat ... ~
On our way back from our trip to Beirut, we passed by your home in London.
I looked in your bedroom cupboard.
I took one of your leather jackets.
Every morning, when we go to church, I wear your jacket.
It gives me the feeling that you are with me.
I can feel you every time my hand touches the jacket.
I pretend that you are sitting next to me praying
with me to the Almighty.
(11/29/01)
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~ Grief ~
I read that Grief has stages:
The first stage is shock and disbelief.
The second stage is suffering and pain.
The third stage is renewal, a new beginning, a healing,
Just to learn how to adjust and live with the pain.
It is 80 days and nights since you passed away.
I think I am still in the first stage.
I am still hoping for the phone to ring or the doorbell to chime
And at the front door, it's your face that I see
I still cannot imagine life without thee.
(11/30/01)
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~ Life without You ~
Life will never be the same.
There was life with Waleed.
Now, there is life without Waleed
Oh God! what a difference.
I used to see the sunrise in his Face.
I used to see the full moon
I used to see the stars shine in his eyes
Alas! All this is no more
(12/01/01)
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~ A Grieving Father! ~
My eyes are not the same,
There, sadness now resides.
My heart has changed,
It harbors agony and pain.
My brain is not the same
It does not function the way it used to.
There was a Joseph before Nine Eleven
There is another after Nine Eleven
A New Joseph,
A Sad Joseph,
A Grieving FATHER.
(12/03/2001)
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~ One less present under the Christmas tree! ~
This year, we are dreading the coming Holidays ...
There will not be a phone call informing us of your arrival time.
There will not be a trip to the airport to pick you up and bring you home.
There will not be a waiting Samia for our arrival home.
There will be an empty chair at the dinner table on X-mass Eve.
There will be an empty bed in your bedroom on X-mass night.
There will be one less present under the X-mass tree.
There will be lots of Prayers for you on Christmas day.
(12/09/01)
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~ I lost a Part of me ~
During the years of my life,
I lost many friends and relatives.
I lost my BEST friend when he was fifty five.
I lost both my parents.
I mourned for them ALL.
I grieved for them ALL.
Then I lost our son, Waleed.
The grief, the mourning and the bereavement are different.
I lost a PART of me ..............
(12/10/01)
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~ Love of God ~
My journey through your loss is long and filled with pain and agony.
The only thing out that is left for me is the love of GOD.
To be alone with the love of GOD is my only way to find life again.
(12/12/01)
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~ Death ~
Before the Death of Waleed, I used to be afraid of death.
After the Death of Waleed, I accept it, any time.
(12/17/01)
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~ Hundred Days ~
Hundred days passed by since you went away.
It looks like hundred seconds to me.
Your photo is every where.
Your Mom wants to look at your face every time she crosses from one room to the other.
And to tell you the truth, I want that too.
Today, your portrait will be ready.
We will hang it on the best wall in the house.
It is there, where it belongs,
(12/20/2001)
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